Let's talk about sex shall we. After all, it is the first word in this series and one I have yet to cover.
Sex is something that I've always enjoyed. But as I've gotten older my tastes, desires, needs and wants have evolved. I've become more in tune with my body and have identified what turns me on versus what doesn't. And there are definitely aspects of it that I never thought I'd enjoy, but have grown to appreciate and really love.
I've learned that in order to have a healthy, fulfilling sex life you need be as open minded as possible. Otherwise it won't be enjoyable for anyone involved including you.
People in general crave human contact. There are some days that I just want to feel the weight of man on me, skin on skin, entangled with someone's sweaty, naked body. And yes I said sweaty because personally speaking just like with working out, if you're not sweating then you're doing something wrong.
As women we're taught to not be as open with our sexuality as men. We're supposed to be these demure, proper creatures who don't talk about or openly express our own needs, fantasies and desires. And heaven it help you if you're even thinking about having sex outside of a relationship or marriage. Even though men have been doing the same exact thing since the dawn of time, the same rules don't apply for women. No wonder we're not having the sex lives we actually want. For women sex has been made out to be this taboo thing and it's one of the most natural things you should want to do.
The purpose of this post to give you some tips on how to ignore all the rules, all the stigmas in order to get the sex life you want and one that you deserve now.
Here are my Top 5 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life NOW
Communication is paramount when it comes to sex. I hear endless stories from other women about how they either don't enjoy sex or aren't happy with their partner. My first questions is well, did you talk to them about it? And I'm always met with the deer in the headlights expression. Like why would I do that?
People aren't mind readers. How are they ever going to know if you don't tell someone what turns you on.
Say you're in bed with your partner and things are going really well and he starts to do something that you're either not enjoying or aren't comfortable with.
Speak up girl!
Now I'm not saying that you have to yank his head away or throw him off the bed but you can help him out a little. Move his head, hand, hell even his whole body to where you want it be. If he's doing something well, tell him but at the same time if something doesn't feel right or if you're just uncomfortable let him know. Gently, of course.
If he's doing something that isn't doing it for me I'll tell him. And it doesn't have to be uncomfortable. You can even add humor to it. For example, "hey you down there, yeah ummm we're not going to be able to bring it home this way so let's switch it up."
But whatever you do...
Don't Fake It!
I know, we've all been there. You're with your man and things are feeling pretty fucking great but then there's no icing on the cake.
Please for the love of god don't fake an orgasm!
Faking an orgasm is the worst thing you can do if you ever want to have one with your partner. By doing this you're sending them the message that what they're doing is satisfying you when in fact it really isn't. If you ever hope to have one in the future please see exhibit A. Talk to him, tell him what turns you on and gets you off. You can thank me later.
Have you ever been with someone and the minute you're done with the deed they're grabbing at the covers or throwing on their clothes? My first thought is, "Ummm, your naked body was just inches from my face, I'm pretty sure I've seen everything going on with your situation. EVERYTHING." This one baffles me. Barring the person you were just having sex with isn't a total douchebag, they just had sex with you because they wanted to and because they're physically attracted to you.
So the next time you're lying there post coital trying to catch your breath, don't grab for the sheets. Even better lay there with your partner and talk, laugh, then get up, walk around and flaunt what you got.
Own that shit!
Get in the Game
If one of you is always the only person getting their rocks off then it's something you should want to discuss. I'm always going to go back to the first tip. Communication. Be upfront and tell them that while you enjoy pleasuring them or vice versa that it would be nice if it were reciprocated. You may think that I'm only referring to oral sex and orgasms but I'm definitely not.
Selfish lovers are the worst. Both parties want to enjoy themselves and if they're not you may as well save yourself the trouble and masturbate and be done with it. Yes, there are occasions where it 's nice to just lay back and have them pleasure you or vice versa, but if that's happening every time you're having sex, well that's no fun at all.
Both of you should want to give and receive.
Which brings to to my last tip
Personally speaking foreplay is my favorite part. Building sexual tension over the course of the day or evening definitely makes the final release that much sweeter. Also, don't place so much pressure on having an orgasm. Yes, those are definitely nice, especially when they come in multiples, but it doesn't always have to happen every single time you have sex. People get so focused on the ending that they forget to enjoy the journey.
And while I realize most women can only achieve an orgasm orally or digitally, sex should feel good as a whole. Get on top, turn on your side, have him pick you up, throw in some toys, switch up locations.
Whatever it is that will enhance the experience for both of you, just do it.
Don't over think it, don't over analyze it and whatever you do don't keep it to yourself.
My point is that sex should be fun. The only part that should be taken seriously is that you feel completely safe in your environment and comfortable with what you're doing.
Be smart and use protection in order to avoid contracting an STD and to prevent pregnancy if that's what you're not hoping to achieve. This is especially important if either of you is having sex with anyone else or if you even suspect that they are.
The only way you're going to have a mutually satisfying sex life is to be as open and honest with your partner and more importantly with yourself.
Let down your guard and let your inhibitions flow.