Welcome!

Tracy is the creator of Tracys Way, a lifestyle blog based in and around the great city of Boston. On her weekly blog you can find her writings and sometimes rantings about life, love, sex, dating, food, travel and her feelings about entering her 40s.

Most importantly Tracy encourages women to look beyond the mirror and focus on cultivating self-awareness in order be confident with their body, their image and themselves.

Tracy currently resides just outside of Boston with her two fur kids Doug and Paul.

 

The Demon: My Very Personal Story

The Demon: My Very Personal Story

This is a departure from what I normally write about but one that I feel was important for me to talk about for myself.

I want to preface this post by saying that the individual I'm about to speak about is not the same man I posted about on Monday.

And the man I did post about on Monday was standing right beside me fighting the battle and doing everything he could to protect me from harm.  Everything. 

Here's my very personal story...

I met the demon . I spent time with the demon. I let the demon go.

But it wasn't that simple.

The demon wasn't ready to go, the demon made it clear that it wasn't going away before making my life a living nightmare. 

The demon simply wouldn't go away.

the text messages
the snapchats
the phone calls
showing up at my home
breaking into my home; lying in wait until I returned

The demon simply wouldn't go away.

I walked around in a constant state of fear. Was the demon there watching me? Was the demon going to follow me and attack once more out of the darkness?

The demon simply wouldn't go away.

Our normal lives had been turned upside down.  I even fled my home several times into the arms of my man because he was the only person who made me feel safe.

He tried to find the right words to ease my fears, my pain. He held and comforted me until I was so exhausted that I had no choice but to close my eyes only to be startled awake by the terrible visions.

After one particular terrifying night, he told me I had been crying and shaking in my sleep. And each and every time he engulfed my entire body with his in order to fight off the demon inside my head.

He kissed my forehead
whispered, "I got you, baby" over and over again
whispered his name to let me know he was there with me, protecting me

It worked, but only for a moment, before I was writhing and crying out again for the demon to go away.

It seemed no one and nothing could stop the state of terror that I lived in for an entire week.

Until finally it did. The demon was sent back to hell, never to return to our lives again.

It was one of the scariest ordeals that I've ever had to endure and not one I would wish upon my worst enemy.

After it was all over, we talked about what had happened. Yes it was intense. Yes it was scary and yes it was a situation that would in most cases tear any new couple apart. But in the end I believe it brought us closer together.

As I sit here today, I am finally at peace. I'm also unbelievable grateful to have met such an amazing man. I've found a man who not only cares about me but is going to care for me when I simply can't.  He listens to me, respects me and makes me laugh and smile until my face hurts. But most importantly he isn't going to back down or run away when things get rough.

When we first met he said he wasn't going to tell me he was different, he would show me.  That he wanted to make me happy, wanted to make me laugh and smile. That I could talk to him about anything and everything, without hesitation; without fear of judgement and would do anything in his power to protect me no matter what.

Well he kept his promise and showed me that he was undoubtedly different from all the rest. And I intend to show him every single day how much he means to me, how much I care about him and how excited I am that we are without a doubt in this together. 

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